Need Guidance on whether to do In-Person Learning or Virtual Learning with your child? Check out our post about this difficult decision https://www.pickupthepiecestn.com/vitural-vs-in-person-3-pros-for-each/
Homeschooling your Child with a Disability or a Behavior Difficulty
Hi friends! Based on some feedback I have been receiving, I decided to write a blog post with some recommendations for a parent I met with back in November.
I have been in contact with a few Moms recently who are homeschooling. They have kiddos with issues and are struggling with managing behaviors, doctor appointments, teaching the academics, and at the same time working on self care for themselves. This mom in particular has a kiddo exhibiting ADHD characteristics and is very bright. Mom has a busy life of her own and is homeschooling as well.
While I have not walked this walk, I came up with some tips that might apply and help bring some structure to Mom and her kiddo’s day.
*Note: I listed Mom’s tips first because without mom feeling in control, a lot of the other tips could put mom in, what I call, reactive mode. As moms we need to realize we can only control ourselves. And once we can get a grip on at least partial control, then can we try to mold another’s behavior effectively.
Feel free to skip down to the “Tips to Help the Child” section if you want to see those first. However, it is appropriate to work on improving the circumstances for Mom and kiddo at the same time.
Tips for Mom:
See the Doctor. Express your stress, concerns and how your life is effecting you. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can make good decisions, take care of others, have the appropriate responses, and respond without an impulsive reaction.
Consistent sleep routine for mom This starts with designating at least 10-15 min before a predetermined scheduled bedtime. Do something that is a preferred calming activity (be selective with screen time before bed). Make sure it really is something you like and gives helps your body calm. Examples: Mediation/Prayer, Journaling, Taking a Hot Bath, Listening to Music, Reading
Eat right and get quality sleep (at least as much as you can)..This one is hard. Especially for busy moms or if you work unusual hours. I think the takeaway here is make small improvements if you can. Give yourself grace when needed. Putting yourself on your to do list is hard. But if you can give yourself a little love and attention once a day or week,you will notice the difference in your perspective.
Find an outlet Find either someone to listen and vent to, or a way to express yourself. You need to be heard by a friend, support group, personal journal, drawn on a canvas, or pounded on the pavement for example. Be selective about using social media. Consider the reach of your posts and the effect of others posts on you. #comparisonisthethiefofjoy
Structure your day Sure, some days do not go as planned when you have a child with special needs. But structure and a family schedule will help you manage your time and energy. It can be Mom’s fall back when life goes awry. A good schedule is a goal and a harbor when you have days where nothing gets done, at least you and your family followed a schedule. It teaches “get back on track”, “don’t throw in the towel”, “stick to it”, as well as perspective, perseverance, and the ability to look back at what you have accomplished.
Tips to help the Child:
Consistent sleep routine for child (be selective with screen time before bed) Use music, weight blankets, lavender or other sensory/preferred items to help calm your kiddo before bed. Have a predetermined and scheduled bed time. Let your kiddo sleep with a preferred item for comfort and listen to their favorite music. Seek out help for sleep issues from other sources like Vanderbilt’s Families First Series or professionals. When sleeping is going well, so many other things can be managed.
Visual schedule for the family Of course this should include each kiddo’s extra activities, bedtimes and parents work schedules, as well as the academic homeschool schedule. This needs to be something that can be implemented consistently and meets the needs of your family. Something that you can stick to and be predictable.
It should also include designated time for Mom to spend a kiddo who needs extra attention. During that time, deciding what to do can be guided by the kiddo by asking them questions like:
What do you want to tell me about?
What do you want to show me?
What do you want to talk with me about?
Show me what you like to do?
Here’s how I can do it with you and support you.
The beauty of the visual schedule is it takes the emotion out of the day. It is an unemotional tool to help guide the family. Kiddos can get mad at the schedule without taking it out on the adult. The adult can refer to the schedule unemotionally without taking frustration out on the kiddo.Take advantage and a timer! I can not express enough how a timer to time your child’s school work or other tasks or chores will be beneficial as you train them and yourselves to stick to a schedule.Check Pinterest or ask us for help making family schedule for you!
Behavior issues..Behavior can be complicated. But bottom line is, children will perform for what they love. That can look very different in many different circumstances. The study of behavior or the whysomeone behaves the way they do is nothing shy of a college degree. But most kiddo’s behavior stems from trying to avoid or escape something, to get attention or can stem from a sensory need. A professional may need to work with you and/or your child to get to the root of why your kiddo behaves the way the do. But in simple words, your kiddo will “work” for something. If you know what that something is, you can hold it until they complete a task or routine. For example, you can hold their iPad until they complete their homework. Or you can give them their favorite snack after they have completed their morning routine. Timers can work wonders here. Start small with time expected to complete an expectation, then increase as necessary in small increments. Whatever you decide should be the “carrot” they work for needs to be something you can communicate to the kiddo and be consistent with. If you are having trouble with this please reach out to me or another professional. Behavior issues can be solved and sometimes it only take small tweaks in routine or changing rewards
Watch your child’s diet. This can be tricky. While I am not an advocate for instigating meltdowns without a purpose, if you kiddo is eating something to excess, that is something to watch out for. It is worth investigating to see if there is any cause and effect between what your kiddo eats and their behavior outcomes.
If your child is doing better with other adults and acts out for you This can be indication that there needs to be more structure in your relationship with your kiddo and their routine and/or expectations. Sometimes, since your kiddo feels very comfortable with you, they know your buttons they can push to get what they want. They also know your limits and will “try” you. Getting you to cave in and give them what they want can be a full time job foursome kiddos. While you see this behavior, you notice they do not act out in front of or with other adults. It can be difficult, but try to objectively look at what your kiddo is getting from you or what they are always wanting when they are acting out. That can be a springboard to showing you how to make a plan for your kiddo to get that attention or time in a structured or more appropriate way. Ask for help to make a behavior plan if you feel your relationship with your kiddo is out of your control.
Children with suspected ADHD If you have a very active kiddo who you or others suspect they may have ADHD, they will need a lot of natural and purposeful movement through their day. These kiddos will seek it out if you do not provide it in a structured manner. Involve them in sports, exercise routines, let them take things for you from room to room, outside to inside, unloading the groceries, etc. Sometimes they have trouble finishing tasks. If this is the case, in the beginning, only expect them to deliver the laundry basket to the laundry room, or take the bags of groceries into the house. Timers work wonders here too as you can ask them to work on a task for 2-3 minutes, see success, then increase the time as needed. Once you have more behavior “buy in” with rewards, you can start to ask them to put away the laundry or put away the groceries.
Children who seem to “never wear out” Kiddos like this are constantly seeking stimulation (physically and sometimes mentally too). Tap in to their interests. Try to structure their day around learning new things about what they are interested in. In addition they will need ample movement time. When it’s time to sit or learn something not as exciting to them, you will need to reward them for their efforts. While we want them to learn to sit and work “because we said so”, their brains are wired as such that they need “extra motivation” to perform like that. I’m sure your kiddo would love to sit and listen if that skill came naturally to them. When you think about it, we all need different circumstances to help us learn.
Let’s talk elopement/running away This is a very tough behavior to address. But the root of the behavior is always answering the questing of why? Why are they eloping? What are they running from or to? What do they get out of running away or running to something? How can we incorporate what they get out of running away or eloping into an appropriate part of their day? Prevention and Supervision is key to finding a strategy that works. Seek out help from a behavior specialists or other professional as needed.
What about consequences? Consequences can look like the absence of a reward or removing the child from a situation (For example: time out). Yes, they can be part of a cause/effect behavior plan. They definitely need to be something that represents a void or lack of attention, or an item. When formulating a behavior plan, consequences can be effective.
I hope this post is helpful for you! Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us if you have any questions or need more information on a topic!
Want to see what is happening in your child’s classroom? Encourage the teacher to use Seesaw! It’s for student driven digital portfolios! Link:web.seesaw.me
Social Stories! Our favorite Things!
The benefits of Social Stories:
-Can be powerful
-Can be the child’s inner voice
-Always phrased with a positive ending
-Short and to the point
-Must be read (either to themselves or read aloud to them) when they are calm, reread during the behavior, and reread when calm after the behavior.
States:
1. How child feels and what they are doing
2. Gives the reasons that behavior is not effective
3. Gives an alternative behavior
4. Tells benefits of the alternative behaviors
Template: (only include 1 or 2 behaviors or options in each () or blank space)
When I feel (upset, mad, anxious,-may have to ask the child what they are feeling and give it a name-), I (hit, kick, run away, spit).
But, when I do those things I (get a mark, lose recess, hurt my friends, scare the people around me).
When I feel (whatever feeling is mentioned above), I can (request a break, write a note, walk away, talk to my teacher).
When I make a better choice (my friends want to play with me, my mom is proud, I get candy).
I can make better choices by (whatever is mentioned above) when I feel (whatever is mentioned above).
Finished product:
When I feel excited, I like to run down the hallway.
But, when I run down the hallway, I can get hurt or hurt others around me by slipping or tripping people.
I can walk down the hallway so I can stay safe and I keep from hurting my friends.
I will walk down the hallway when I am excited.
IEPs, Behavior, and Curriculum Ideas:
When behavior issues become a problem, questions to ask:
-Does the child have a method of communication? (verbal, AAC, sign, picture cards)
-Does the child know his daily schedule? (at home and at school)
-Does the child have a behavior plan that is being followed?
Internet Resources www.theautismehelper.com www.understood.org www.wrightslaw.com/info/iep.index.htm
www.tn.gov/education/topic/special-education
Check out our boards on Pinterest!
www.pinterest.com/pickupthepiecestn/pins/
Resources That Help with Education at Home: When behavior issues become a problem, questions to ask:
-Does the child have a method of communication? (verbal, AAC, sign, picture cards)
-Does the child know his daily schedule? (at home and at school)
-Does the child have a behavior plan that is being followed?
Internet Resourceswww.understood.org
www.theautismhelper.com
Check out our boards on Pinterest!
https://www.pinterest.com/pickupthepiecestn/pins/
www.n2y.com- Curriculum specially designed for children or adults with special needs
www.teachrock.org-Music Education across the curriculum
For a small fee, a PDF version of these articles can be purchased. Please email PickUpthePiecesTN@gmail.com for details.